The Vibrant Elder Journey
Dr. Ken Plattner explores the rich and significant distinctions between being ‘elderly’ and being an ‘elder’.
Walking the sacred terrain of elderhood with presence, purpose, and heart.
I lived outside Denver in a mountain enclave of 90 patio homes, most of which were inhabited by people 65 or older. As a member of the architectural and landscaping committee, I regularly had the opportunity to meet and greet my neighbors.
There are some questions that baffled me. I've often wondered why some put out a pumpkin for Halloween and some don't. Some string lights and decorate for Christmas — maybe they can't do it for themselves, but they find a way to have it done. Some go for walks, and some talk to their neighbors. Some plan trips; some host dinner parties; some have small gardens; some send emails and use answering machines; and some still venture into the city for concerts, the symphony, the theater, or dinner.
Some, however, don't do any of these things.
Why is it that certain people age with vitality and vigor, while others shrivel, lose their juice, close themselves off, complain of aches and pains, and wither away while waiting to die a potentially sad and lonely death?
The Spiritual Eldering Institute in Boulder, Colorado, suggests that people who boldly face their mortality—choosing wisdom, grace, and laughter as their spiritual partners—can add as much as 7.5 years to their lives. These are the elders, and they clearly walk a different path than those we know as elderly.
New learning, being happy, laughing heartily, stepping into wisdom, choosing a grateful heart, and facing death with an open spirit—these activities not only add years to our lifespan, but they create an attitude of joy amid sadness, aging, and loss. This is the courageous activity of one who has chosen to accept the challenge of becoming an elder.
Not accepting this challenge can quickly plunge a senior citizen into the depths of shadow depression, denial, and fear. Most seniors don't even know that they have a conscious choice in the matter.
I have found a simple way to discern who is on the juicy journey to become an elder and who is—unwittingly—becoming elderly.
In the Eastern worldview, there is a Zen notion that life is a joke; the difference is that the elder laughs, knowing that they are the joke. The fear or worry of elderly folks generally keeps them from appreciating this joke because they often take themselves so very seriously.
Most of those we know as elderly have adopted someone else's fixed idea of what their particular life should look like or be like. On the other hand, most elders have broken away from conventional thinking; they are generally free and willing to take risks. These are people who are still growing and changing and learning and trusting.
As a culture, we've lost many of the ceremonies and passages that mark the transition to becoming an elder. There are still some societies that honor their elders. They respect the wisdom of those who have lived and experienced their life into maturity. Research from Hawaiian, Spanish, Native American, and more primitive societies shows us that the path into elderhood is 'a declared journey'. It is a movement that does not take place all at once, but rather in small and sometimes imperceptible steps.
Definition of an Elder
— The Elderhood Institute
The elder, unlike the elderly, knows that they owe advocacy and wisdom to others. The elderly complain about aging, while elders continue to deepen their experience of living until they die.
The elderly often remain angry about experiences that have hurt them throughout their lives. They have not yet forgiven. The elderly don’t celebrate long life in the way the elder does.
The person expressing eldership begins each day with a sacred intention to show gratitude and to affirm life in others, even in small ways. Because of this devotion to celebrating life, elders often elicit extraordinary deference from their community.
The Roles of Elders include:
Mentors
Are persons who are stirred by cooperation and consensus, and who enjoy the synergy of facilitator and facilitated in co-creation
They believe the role of older people is to facilitate creativity in the young
They believe that the patterns of the past don’t need to prevail, and so they listen to youth
Wisdom Keepers
Are people who put elderhood into action by sharing their impressions and beliefs and telling their story
Their work is to synthesize wisdom from long life experience
They share their long life experience by being accessible
Earth Keepers
Are people who are partners with Earth and who sense they are one with nature
They are stewards of nature partners
Celebrants
Are persons who are a source of blessing, a natural resource that can empower others
They initiate others and affirm them through unconditional positive regard
Becoming an elder is a journey from the world of doing into the world of being.
As an elder, there is nothing more to prove — ego is unnecessary — so the beginning elder learns to let go of any ‘doing’ that demonstrates prowess or competence, and s/he replaces it with an awareness and ability to just BE.
“Do not grow old, no matter how long you live. Never cease to stand like curious children before the Great Mystery into which we were born.”
